I would like to start this one off with a good old Cartman quote.
And that's exactly what I said when I heard that for the sixth time this month I will have to get a blood test tomorrow, because of my mononucleosis.
I had it for about a month and today I actually feel pretty good. But enough of me, let's head out for the news!
Not so lately, the... What?
You don't like me talking about the older stuff? You want the fresh ones, you want them fresh like Pamela's fake breasts!
God why did I say that? She's like 44 years old, I can't connect her to fresh...
Anyway, I was kidding. Here are some cool quick facts and my responses. I promise you I will have fresh news this Wednesday.
1. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
- Well that's a great way to lose some weight, also you can get a job at a destruction site and work for 4 hours a day, which means you will lose 600 calories a day!
2. 35% of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
- And the other 65% will never get married, but let's not break their hope.
3. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
- I guess it could have done better if the building was higher.
4. Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.
- I can eat for 3 years without sleeping.
5. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better than men.
- Note: If you are cheating on your wife. Write to your lover, don't talk! (By the way I'm against cheating!)
6. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he was retarded.
- My brother couldn't speak fluently when he was ten and kids laughed at him. But who's laughing now! Well actually, my brother is. Ever since my parents sent him to Asylum he's been laughing like crazy.
7. The dot in the letter "i" is called a title.
- It would be cool to name this post "i" so I have a title inside a title. (Nope)
8. Most lipsticks contain fish scales.
- A good way of getting some extra calcium by kissing a girl.
9. Months that begin on Sunday will always have a "Friday 13th"
- Now we can prepare for Jason without a calendar.
10. The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
- How did he manage to escape from the catholic priests?
Thanks for reading and commenting on my earlier posts!
Like you noticed, from now on I will be posting on Mondays too, everything for my readers.